Many cultures had various interpretations when it came to complex emotions such as love. Europeans of the middle ages believed that love between people resided in the heart, and therefore it became the symbol of romantic love between two people for years to come.
So why does love hurt so much? In the 18th century, people began sending cards to the people they desired. These were handmade and sometimes contained poems.
They were shoved under the doors of where their beloved lived. Nowadays, Hallmark and other greeting card companies do this for you, and you can hand it off to a postal worker to deliver. Or, you can just send one over the internet.
However, it was only in the 20th century that researchers began considering that perhaps love was an actual chemical process. In the first part of the 20th century, it was believed that pheromones play a role in pair-bonding and attracting people.
This became more evident with time, as it was discovered that this was how insects and other animals attract one another for breeding purposes. But this was considered too simple for a complex animal such as a human being. By the s, the endorphin theory of love had overtaken the pheromone theory of love.
This theory claimed that neurotransmitters such as endorphins, oxytocin, and dopamine, which are released in the brain during physical contact, create an attachment to the other person over time.
Today, many researchers are looking into the idea that love is due to a combination of factors. These factors include chemical reactions caused by the neurotransmitters previously discussed but also unconscious desires or triggers. These two factors merge and create a state of euphoria that people experience when they are in love.
For instance, perhaps in your mind, you have a desire for a certain type of person that you are not fully aware of in your conscious life. If you were to meet someone who fits this desire, then the chemical process starts. And so within your brain, these various hormones are released, reinforcing that desire.
Although people may have once thought that our emotions reside in our hearts, modern science now understands that we actually love with our brains. Our brains can process every sensation in our bodies, allowing us to feel physical and emotional pain.
Our hearts only respond to the signals that our brain sends to pump more blood to speed up the flow of oxygen to our brains in times of distress. The pain we feel when we love someone is due to the complexity of the various emotions we experience while in love.
When we give in to our most primitive mind, we flee when love brings complications that our logical mind can no longer withstand. Sometimes, we have to make a choice. We must choose to either remain in the complicated vortex of love or to walk away so our brains can be freed up to work on more practical matters. This might include our academic classes or our professional careers, or even to care for the offspring that may have resulted from that love.
As love matures, that initial spark of lust or desire may cool, but this more mature love is more long-lasting and comfortable. Two people know they are entering into this type of love when they experience several milestones in their relationship. For instance, when a conflict arises, both people will have confidence that they can weather this storm. They understand that a disagreement does not mean the relationship is over.
It can be resolved, perhaps not overnight, but eventually. Another sign of mature love is when both people can allow one another to have space. I think we take physical pain a bit more seriously. Our work suggests that we should think seriously about the impact of emotional pain, too. But is it possible to love someone so much it physically hurts?
Geoff MacDonald , an associate professor of psychology at the University of Toronto, thinks so. But, he tells Broadly, that pain is usually an indication that something is missing.
I think the pain comes in when there's some degree to which you love them but you're not getting everything from that relationship you wanted.
And then you can see how the pain mechanism becomes functional—it's going to draw your attention to that. From an evolutionary perspective, he explains, it makes sense that relationships might provoke reactions from the same areas involved with physical pain.
You need to do something about this. And, MacDonald argues, that pain is probably a healthy response, especially early on in a relationship when people are susceptible to becoming obsessive about their partners.
Feeling some physical agony—such as chest pains or queasiness—may help a person adjust their expectations of their relationship, motivate them to talk to their partner about their needs or make them reassess how valuable the relationship is, he says.
The question is, how concerned should we be when we experience physical discomfort we think is related to love? In fact, even good relationships can bring some aching discomfort at times. Caring deeply about someone else is enough to transform emotional pain into physical pain — the science says so. So how does love turn into physical pain that literally hurts you? How are those sad emotions translated into feeling physical distress?
A few studies on love , heartbreak and tylenol help us understand the close connection between physical and emotional pain.
A study at the University of California, Los Angeles used fMRI imaging to show that explicit exclusion, or rejection, from a computer game can activate the same brain areas as physical pain.
So when you feel rejected by your significant other or someone else you love, you feel literal pain. Another study at the University of Michigan took this exclusion study one step further and showed participants pictures of former partners who had broken up with them. They found a similar trend — that thinking of an ex can cause activity similar to physical pain in the brain. Sometimes heartbreak may take a little more than a pint of ice cream to fix.
This was a sign that Tylenol was effective at relieving social pain, just like it typically relieves physical pain. Now that heartbreak is backed by science, we may wonder if love is worth the pain.
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